What I Care About

One of the cool things about having cancer in the house is that you can blame a bunch of stuff on it. OK, I know that sounds kind of bad...like a cop out. Well, right now, I don’t really care. That’s right, today, I just don’t care.

I’ll tell you what else I don’t care about today. I don’t care that the dog found something to eat...God knows what...on the kitchen floor a minute ago. Geez, I remember staying up until all hours mopping my floors and cleaning baseboards. Crazy, huh? Well, I had little kids crawling around and playing with my Tupperware on the kitchen floor while I cooked every day. That was their favorite stomping ground. They made some pretty cool stuff stacking all those containers. I wouldn’t let anyone put their kid on my kitchen floor today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. 

Here’s another thing I don’t care about today...I don’t care that Anthony left a bandana, an ice pack, an empty glass, and a bunch of old newspapers on the table beside his chair in the family room. His mess is not hurting anyone. As a matter of fact, it all looks quite comfortable where it is, so I think I’ll leave it there for a little while longer.

I also don’t care that somebody left their sweatshirt hanging on the banister at the bottom of the stairs. Oh, and Davey left his guitar in the middle of the family room and a baseball glove on top of his amp that’s sitting practically in the entryway at the front door. He had a gig (or played guitar at a baseball game?) and was probably tired when he got home. Cancer in the house seems to make everyone really tired these days.

I also don’t care that the mail has piled up. That’s always been Anthony’s thing....opening the mail immediately and taking care of everything that arrives via our wonderful postal service. Well, I wish our friendly mail carrier would skip our house for a few days...just until we get caught up sorting through and opening what we already have. Or better yet...maybe he could just deliver the nice get well cards and other correspondence we get from family and friends that makes us smile. Now, that would be awesome.

I don’t care that the carpets could use a vacuuming, the bathroom could use a scrubbing, the porch could use a sweeping, and the laundry could use a laundering. About the only thing that doesn’t need doing is the dog getting a bath. Ha! That, I did this morning. And she looks and smells wonderful, by the way. Probably better than I do, since I look pretty much the same as I did when I rolled out of bed. Maybe next time, I’ll just hop in the tub with her and kill two birds with one stone. Um...maybe not.

You know, all the things that need to be done...the picking up and cleaning, the mail, and God knows how many other things... everything is exactly the way it is because there are people living in this house. All the things that need tending are signs of life. Maybe the messier part of living, but still, they are visible signs that people are living here. The crumbs on the kitchen floor are the happy reminders of Davey and his girlfriend laughing as they cooked dinner last night. Anthony’s little mess in his favorite corner, next to his favorite chair, lets me know he is here...and still very much alive. Maybe that’s why I’m in no big hurry to pick it all up. 

I’ll tell you something else...I’ve spent way too much time worrying about things that don’t really matter a whole hell of a lot. I’ve spent too much energy caring about what others might think or say. I don’t have time for that today. Today, I don’t care about what anything looks like on the outside. 

Today, when I look around the house and start thinking about all the things I should do, all the things that need to get done, I’m going to stop myself and say, “I don’t care about any of it, today.” Then, I’m going to look over at Anthony, who is quietly napping on the living room couch, with a very clean dog lying at his feet, and I’m going to smile. Anthony, and the people, (including the dog) who live in this house, are all in a good place right now... and all very much alive.

Now, that is something I care about.