Can We Sleep With the Light On?

In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth... 

and the earth was without form or shape, with darkness over the abyss 

and a mighty wind sweeping over the waters...

Then God said: Let there be light, and there was light.

God saw that the light was good. God then separated the light from the darkness.

                                                                                                                                                                    GENESIS 1: 1-4

Have you ever been afraid of the dark? You know...like when you were a little kid? You remember...You’re lying in your bed, eyelids heavy with sleep, and a sweet dream no further than a goodnight kiss away, when you hear it. Wait. There it is again...A noise. A creaky, creepy, barely audible noise that starts your imagination running at full speed...Who’s under my bed? Is there someone outside my window? What’s hiding in my closet? What or who is lurking in the darkness, just waiting to get me? In the darkness, anyone...anything...could be as close as your teddy bear and you wouldn’t know because you can’t see without the light on. One flip of the switch is all it takes to silence the noises and send the boogie man away. Once that light goes on, the fear is extinguished.

In Genesis, God speaks light into existence. Wow...Imagine the voice of God, bellowing through the darkness, creating light. Just like that! I find it kind of interesting that the first thing a little kid (or anyone, for that matter) does when he’s scared of the dark is scream...A voice bellowing in the dark, calling for the light. I remember crying out for my mom and dad when I was afraid of the dark. All I needed to feel safe was one of them to come in and turn the light on. Hearing their footsteps approaching my room was enough to start chasing some of my fear away. But, the flip of the light-switch...now, that was a comforting sound because, with it, came the light that drove the monsters away. 

Being in the dark, literally or metaphorically, can be scary at any age. These days, Anthony and I have our little bouts of fear. If he has a new twinge of pain, it’s like hearing a creepy noise in the dark. Any new symptom or change in how he feels is enough to send me looking under the bed or checking inside the closet with every light in the house turned on.  The truth is, no matter how old we are, every single one of us still has fears. Sure, most of the time we walk around acting all big and brave and grown up, but at the end of the day, when the lights go out and we are alone with our thoughts, sometimes those fears surface and set off our internal panic buttons and, in an instant, we are five years old again. 

Well, I’ve decided that Anthony and I shouldn’t have to apologize for our occasional panic attacks. I’m also not going to be ashamed to admit that, sometimes, the cancer scares me. My fears are always greater at night, when sleep and stillness begin to settle down upon the house. When the lights are off and it’s dark, the cancer seems bigger and scarier...like a monster hiding under my bed...waiting to tighten its grip upon Anthony as soon as I close my eyes. When I feel that way, I stay with what’s familiar and I cry out. Well, maybe not out loud, but in my heart. I cry out to my Father in Heaven and say, “Abba! Papa! I’m scared! Please come and turn on the light.” And He does. He comes and opens the door of my heart, fills it with His love and peace, and that drives the darkness away.

Oh, one more thing...I’m also not (too) embarassed to admit that some nights just feel darker than others. I’m not sure why. Maybe I have a tougher than usual day. Maybe I’m overly tired...as my mom used to say. It doesn’t really matter why, but when the night seems especially dark, I just get up and turn on the light in our bathroom. Then, I go back to bed and imagine God smiling and slowly shaking his head.