A Name Change

I’m sure, by now, you have noticed that I changed the name of my Blog. I’d actually been thinking about it for quite some time, but after Anthony passed away, and more people shared their stories with me, I knew it was the right thing to do...

I was laying in bed thinking about this Blog and some of the things that have transpired since I started it. When I first began writing, I wondered if anyone would even read it. In spite of my fears and insecurities, I wrote anyway...mostly because I felt pushed to do it. The idea kept coming up during my prayer time and continued to nag at me until I finally set up the Blog site and published my first entry. 

Each time I started writing a new piece, I allowed my thoughts and feelings to determine the direction it took. I also tried to focus upon staying hopeful, in spite of the challenges and obstacles before us. Soon, readers began to respond and share their hearts with me...mostly through private emails. I discovered how Anthony’s faith and courage, and our journey through his illness together, touched their lives through what I wrote. 

Among some of the feedback I’ve received are stories from people who have been blessed with the rekindling, strengthening, and/or healing of relationships. Many others have experienced personal conversions and a deepening of their faith. I continue to receive correspondence from readers who, in some way, have been inspired...even changed...by my telling of Anthony’s story. These are no small gifts...some people have even called them miracles. Given that, I decided to change the name of this Blog from  A Miracle For Anthony to one that reflects the many good things that have happened (and will continue to happen) in the lives of others because of Anthony’s journey. I am confident that my kind and loving husband will keep praying for us, and I believe, with all my heart, that we will continue to see the fruits of his faithfulness in the miracles God works in our lives. Therefore, I renamed the Blog Anthony’s Miracles.

It has been just three weeks since Anthony passed away. I am learning that my grief is as unpredictable and uncontrollable as a storm out on the open seas. Within minutes, and without warning, I can be overcome by violent waves of sorrow and despair that crash down upon me, relentlessly. Most times, all I can do is hold on and ride it out. And then, just as suddenly as it came on, and without any explanation, the stormy seas will turn calm, and I am given a brief respite. When I do catch a break in the storm, I try to welcome the calm with an open heart and drink in as many sweet thoughts of Anthony as I can before the next wave hits and knocks the wind right out of me.

So, while I have a minute of peace, I’m going to remind myself to live as Anthony lived...hopeful, faithful, loving, and joyful. And full of life. Just days before he passed, Anthony gathered all our children around his bed and gave them counsel...a father’s wisdom. He told them to never give up, to never lose hope, and to always fight the good fight. He said God would help them get through anything and urged them to pray and stay faithful. He shared his great love for family and expressed how happy he was to have all of his children there with him. He told them to always love and forgive each other. And he told each and every one of them how very proud he was of them...proud of who they were and what they were doing with their lives. And he made sure they understood how much he loved them and how happy he was to be their father. Even on his deathbed, he lived as fully as he was able, and he never stopped giving.

I learned so much from my husband...He taught me about life and how to live by the example he set...and by the way he loved me. Before he died, Anthony asked me to make a promise to him...He wanted me to keep this Blog going...to keep writing. I believe, now, that Anthony not only wanted me to share our story, he wanted me to continue to live life to its fullest...the way he did. He knew that writing would provide a way for me to let people in...to keep me connected. It’s his way of taking care of me and making sure I take care of myself. He was so wise.

So, as I continue to let my experiences weave the fabric of the stories I tell, I will also call upon Anthony’s wisdom for inspiration. If I can give back a piece of what he gave to me, my life will be worthwhile. If I can share an experience or an insight that will help someone else on their journey, then maybe I can find a purpose for the pain that Anthony suffered and the heartache I’ve carried, everyday, since he’s been gone. If I can reach out my hand to another in need, even in my own brokenness, then perhaps I can embrace my own healing. And, if I can keep the eyes of my heart open, maybe I will see the world as Anthony did...full of wonder, mystery, and miracles...just waiting to happen.